Tony Molina - Dissed And Dismissed (Melters/Slumberland) (2013/2014)

Today marks the 238th birthday of the United States of America. If you see a British person, kick their fucking ass. When and why did we forgive those assholes? More than 25,000 American Revolutionaries died during active military service. Burn a British flag and piss on the ashes. 238 years later when I get a chamomile tea in bold capitalized letters it says, "GLUTEN FREE." Our forefathers died over tea being taxed so that we could drink gluten free tea with a 9% sales tax. This tangential introduction is far too long. So let's focus on what makes this nation so great. Tony Molina.

Yes, Tony Molina is what makes this nation so great. While you've been supporting our troops, Tony Molina has been supporting our riffs. He's taken the best parts of American bands Guided By Voices, Weezer, and E. Town Concrete. This might sound a lot like the Bay Area's greatest band of all time: Ovens. You're correct. Tony Molina was in Ovens. But people moved and Tony Molina recorded an album by himself. So now Ovens are Tony Molina. Tony Molina is Ovens. It's like that scene from Ace Venture but unlike that Boy George song, there are so many riffs. I don't believe in God, but I do believe in Tony Molina. Tony Molina is Lord of the Riffs.

Tony Molina sent me this album two years ago. I played it for everybody who wanted to hear it or didn't want to hear it. There is no conceivable mood that wouldn't be bettered by hearing Dissed And Dismissed. There's nothing surprising here. Tony Molina wrote the perfect song. Dissed And Dismissed is that perfect song rewritten multiple times. The album is the same song over and over. And that's perfect. Dissed And Dismissed captures that angsty sadness perfectly. The lyrics are all the same. Tony Molina is lonely and sad. He's still in love with her. But she doesn't want him. Which is fine, because I want him. Tony Molina, I want you. I need you. Don't stop. Never stop. If not for me: for America. Keep riffing for America.

Two years later Dissed And Dismissed is still the best album I've ever heard. Melters released it but that sold out so Slumberland re-released it. So tonight, even if you don't fight a British person because you're a baby, at least listen to Tony Molina and let that American pride burn bright.

-Z